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You hate it, you hate that you want it. You take the lesson and listen closely, you want to succeed afterall. However, you can't but stop focusing on your teacher's crotch when he comes too close. Your memories about having a dick, made it hard for you to focus, secretly desiring to have one yourself (again).
Do you experience actual "penis-envy"? or did you just developed sexual attraction for men? Whatever the case might be, this situation is shitty!